INVESTIGATION FILE: $MORT
The following document contains information about an anomalous cryptocurrency token designated as $MORT. Multiple investigators have reported strange occurrences while researching this asset. Proceed with caution.
CONTRACT ADDRESS
BDF9vxbCbsRZS2DBCSgBQvb45uA2wjKmTHNXcfK7pump
Subject's Common Appearance
Anomalous Manifestation
Primary Obsession Object
INITIAL FINDINGS
Brief Overview
Quick Analysis of Subject's Behavior
Extended Analysis
Extended Analysis of Subject's Anomalous Nature
DOCUMENTED CHARACTERISTICS:
- Age: 35-50+ years (minimum)
- Mortality Status: Cannot die, regenerates indefinitely
- Genetic Composition: Bear, Starfish, Spider, Pig, Copper, Sawdust
- Origin: Claims to be from "Foticus Majora"
SURVEILLANCE FOOTAGE
Soul Absorption Event
World Domination
Roid Rage
INCIDENT REPORTS
Subject has demonstrated ability to absorb souls from parallel dimensions. Multiple personalities detected, each representing different versions of "MORT" across the multiverse.
Investigation into subject's past revealed disturbing pattern: 11 previous marriages, all spouses deceased under mysterious circumstances. Combat experience as "Dread Pirate Mort" confirmed.
ANOMALOUS BEHAVIORS
- Obsessive fixation with King Julien's feet
- Ability to survive extreme physical trauma
- Inter-dimensional travel capabilities
- Multiple personality manifestations
- Fourth-wall awareness
$MORT is a paranormal meme token with zero value or financial expectations. Those who invest report experiencing temporal anomalies and unexpected dimensional shifts. This token exists purely for entertainment. You have been warned.
Note: This document will self-update as new information about the entity becomes available across different timelines.
FINAL WARNING
The cute exterior is a facade. What lies beneath is beyond human comprehension.
NOTICE
Our Twitter handle is temporarily @Mort1977787 while we await processing of our username change request.